I don’t know why I am feeling that a bad thing is going to happen these days. Though great things are happening to me and I’m about to take big steps concerning my academic career; I can’t resist this feeling. Every time the phone rings, I feel that it is going to carry bad news. I think that this permanent worry state started with the series of sudden deaths in the family, which made me always worried about my beloved ones. Lately, I managed to deal calmly with all the actions of fate except death. I can’t imagine what I can do if I lost a beloved one. I know that this is lack of faith in God but I can’t help feeling this way. The permanent worry state comes and goes with time. I’m suffering from it nowadays since the house in front of us went of fire. Then another house (in front of my aunt’s) went on fire as well. Back then I answered the phone to find my aunt talking in a hysterical way and asking me what she shall do! Also we had a series of illness in our small family; nothing serious but still a reason for worries. Also the fact that 2 of my sisters live in another city & another country is always a reason for worries; especially when they’re on the road. When such bad thoughts attack me, I read El Gazaly book “Renew your life”. In this book he handles the famous book “Let the worry & start your life or دع القلق و أبدأ الحياة” from an Islamic perspective. This book really calms me and let be re-believe that everything happens for a reason and that whatever happens to the one who believes in God is always for his good. Unfortunately, I don’t have time right now to re-read the book. I just hope that after writing these words and letting these feelings out, my mind would stop the bad imaginations and future anticipation. What a nice feeling to start the New Year with !
4/1/2009
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